I wrote this at the end of January 2020 and forgot to publish it, sorry. 2019 was a rough year for me. Many losses. I gave up the business that I poured my heart and soul into. That was sudden loss number 1. However, I moved onto another opportunity that was very fulfilling for me. I was teaching in elementary school and loved it so much. I gave up that first teaching job at the end of the school year because we were going to move out of state. We ended that when the money ran out and the house didn’t sell. That was the second sudden loss. So, I went back to substituting throughout the county this time. I enjoyed working with high school and elementary school, I’m still not the biggest fan of middle school, however, my first set of kids are in middle school now and they were very happy to see me. They loved that I came and subbed in their classes again. Their love encouraged me to continue to look for another position. I applied and got the 2nd-grade position and I adored those babies. It was my first class ever. I loved them so much that discipline was the toughest part of my job. Plus there were 13 little boys and only 4 girls in that class no way to counterbalance all of those boys!! haha. I was finally able to squeeze every bit of the requirements into my day. I had a successful evaluation and things looked great for me. I was also taking my first master’s level class which I passed with a 90. However, there was trouble looming with one of the administration team. I tried to smooth things over with her but her friends would mock me. I felt like I was back in high school with a couple of mean girls. Then I would go back by her and explain why I said what I said just for clarities sake, which just made her hate me all the more. Sometimes it’s best not to explain, I found out later. She ended up doing an informal observation that I refused to sign (not required to do that). Needless to say, that report was very negative.
Regardless, a few days later I was having a Christmas party with my kids and a little parent-teacher conference at the same time. It was also pajama day so my pajamas said naughtyish across the top. I had received an email that morning saying no one was being replaced, the job was safe. Until the principal walked in and wanted to meet with me. The gist of that was You’re fired because you can’t control all of your kid’s behaviors. I just smiled and said ok, asked to meet with the principal privately of which I was denied, he got really nervous about that. I went back to my class to let my parents and kids know. Then messaged the rest of them and they were not happy about this. They knew the class was ridiculously male-heavy. They appreciated that I tried to work with all of the kids. Unfortunately, they had no say in any of this. So I was a teacher for a hot minute and now all of sudden here is my last sudden loss of 2019. No more teaching (barred from applying within my district for a year). I made sure to leave my babies with the thought that bad things happen to good people and I don’t have to be sad, because I choose to be happy!
After applying for many many jobs I finally started to train for a new job this week which is so far removed from teaching kids or even interacting with people much. So I do question what my purpose is right now. However, I choose not to let bitterness take over. I chose to love and continue to love and to serve and to help as many people as I can even though I’m not interacting with a lot of people right now. Yes, a friend loveth at all times even when they are tired. Even when they are hurting. Even when they really don’t want to. Even when they have had their losses they still choose to love. Christ was the perfect example of this. Once you have known of and received that kind of love you only want to share it with everyone. Love has more power than hate and I choose the power of love!