Holding back God

A lot can be said about doing this. How many times have I held back God because I had to control things? Or if my expectations were off the mark? Well it goes without saying for me that fear has been a huge issue, and is still part of my pattern. I pretty much have fear as a default position. It takes discipline to go back to know what I know to be true. Why is it so hard to believe that if I know something to be true by getting an answer from God that it doesn’t matter if anybody else believes me? Why should that impact what God was willing to reveal to me? I’ve been here before, many years ago. I was born with tuberous sclerosis, which is a condition of the brain that it formed tiny tubers. It’s how I was formed, it is part of me. This caused me to have seizures as a child. I knew then that God could heal me, if it was his will. I prayed for that to happen.I believed that it could happen. I had laying on of hands by the priesthood. People prayed for me where I lived. People of other faiths prayed for me. My doctor said I would die, or be incapacitated by my 18th birthday. It was not easy, and after all this praying and everything, I got worse, so it seemed. I had a few refractory seizures. That means I had a seizure that lasted from 5 pm at night to 7 am the next morning. This caused brain damage. Imagine running a race for 14 hours and not be able to stop any of your muscles from contracting. That was me at 9 years old. I survived all of that. I know God works miracles, my whole life is one miracle after another. Did the Doctor who said I would be dead believe me when I said I won’t have these seizures anymore? No, he did not. Miracle number two, I stopped taking anti-seizure medication when I was 10. I survived. Did the Doctors in charge of my care agree? No, they did not. Did I believe that I could be healed? Yes, I knew I could be healed. That’s not to say I was cured of every part of my condition, I was not. Did the Doctor who performed my son’s surgery for seizures believe that I had TS? No, he did not! In fact, he wanted proof that I did, and I showed him all of my outward manifestations, he still did not believe me, until after my son’s surgery. All of these educated people couldn’t tell me that I would be healed or didn’t believe that I was. I WAS!!! If God sees fit to reveal his will after heartfelt prayer then you better believe it. Even if it is something you do not want or like. Sometimes those things end up being something better. When I detoxed off the medication which was not fun it was many seizures for six weeks. I had two seizures one year later. Three years later I had one seizure and that is the last seizure I ever had! I have struggled with learning and anger issues all of my life, but I still went to college and got my degree with honors. With God, NOTHING shall be IMPOSSIBLE!!!!! When you are willing to accept God’s will in your life, he is willing to grant you answers to your prayers. Don’t hold back God, just believe.