I do a lot of learning, everyday. I bookend my day. I start with an uplifting talk and then read scriptures and before I go to bed I do the same thing. We can all be brought to life by doing this. I guess I fall short in the listening department. Distractions always get me. I do pray after my bookends and I do try to wait for answers. I’ve always found it is easier to tune in to the spirit by listening to music. Sometimes I even feel the spirit while I listen to secular music with a good message. Sometimes the spirit touches me and it makes me tear up and sometimes I am comforted. I have tried with limited success to take shortcuts with this, but in order for me to become what Heavenly Father would have me become I can’t take shortcuts. Right now I am in the midst of sorting out Heavenly Father’s will for me and trying to align myself with it. It seems that he is really asking a lot of me and I am not really sure I want what he wants me to have. I struggle, I try. I keep reading and learning. I don’t want to be like those who felt the same way and basically struggled for the rest of their lives. People like Jonah for instance who at first ran away and then spent time inside a whale. Then went and did what he was told only to get upset when it all worked out and sat under a twig of a tree and lamented everything. That doesn’t sound like anything I want to do or be. I want to want what Heavenly Father wants happily and joyfully. Then why does it feel this way. Maybe so that I can surrender it all to him so that I can fully come to him in every thought and be perfected in him as the tears fall down my cheeks. Maybe because he truly knows what is best for us and not what we think is best for us. As I struggle to open that door to let him in just know that I am sharing this in the hopes that I may reach out to somebody else who is out there to let them know that they are not alone. That there is somebody experiencing their own Garden of Gethsemane moment and wishes that it were easier too. In the end God shall wipe away all tears from our eyes.